Who is behind Mental Oasis?

Hello Oasis Crew!

I thought it was about time that I introduced myself a little better. 

I'm Taryn, co-owner & founder of Mental Oasis. I'm 39, married to Adam & we have 2 boys (18 & 6) and 2 girls (10 & 8). We live in the beautiful Lake Macquarie area in NSW and are never sitting still... which probably won't surprise you with a house full of ND's! We're either working on our house, riding motorbikes, horse riding, 4WD or setting up family games in the backyard for chilled weekends at home. 

I have big dreams for this space. I really want to create something where families can get support. Somewhere that parents and carers can come and find help, comfort, guidance and hopefully friendship. Sometimes we just need someone who understands to listen... because, as much as they may try, people just don't understand if they have not been through it. 

I would love to eventually expand this space to be able to support teens too. My teen years is when I wish I had the same support that my kids have now. Those years are rough regardless of neurotype, but being able to understand yourself as an ND person is SO important at that age. 

My parents did everything they could to help me. But back in the day, girls 'couldn't be autistic' and it was extremely hard to get an ADHD diagnosis. 

They took me to doctors and to psychologists and to psychiatrists. We even had family counselling at one point. I was misdiagnosed with a few things before they all finally settled on anxiety and depression. Which was pretty common back then and is why so many women in their 30's & 40's are being late diagnosed now. 

The best my parents could do, was battle through those though years with me and keep me in psychology and support me in anyway that they could. And they did. And if you are reading this mum & dad, you will never know how grateful I am for what you did during those rough years. 

Even now it can still be hard for girls to get diagnosed and some therapists I have seen with my girls can't see their autism... umm hello it's called masking when they are meeting someone new... anyway thats a whole other blog for another day! 

More about me. I'm not going to bore you with the ins and outs of my childhood, but it was year 5 when things changed for me. My anxiety came on suddenly and it was bad. I stopped wanting to sleep at my best friends house, which I had been doing since year 1. Everything changed. I was still happy and engaged and still playing soccer, I just didn't want to be away from home. 

Anyway, fast forward to the already awkward teenage years and all of the drs etc. That was a tough time and has taken me 3 years since my diagnosis to fully unpack them and make sense of them.

My whole perspective on my life changed once I had my diagnosis. If you felt, or are feeling, grief after receiving a diagnosis it's completely normal. I promise.  Sit with it. Make sure that you work through it all. No one wanted me about that I was sad and angry for a long time for younger me. Again, a blog for another day. 

Once my eldest came along, I recognised similar traits anxious traits in him. He started seeing a psychologist when he was 5 in the hope that he would settle into school better than he did day care... not so much.

I don't want to share all of his personal information online, so fast forward to a school change and an autism and ADHD assessment when he was 8. He got an ADHD diagnosis and was 'a few points away' from being autistic. I had no idea what any of that meant back then, and I was advised to keep him in psychology to help support him.

We went through terrible school refusal and all sorts of things right up until the left school at the end of year 10. He did ask for a reassessment of his diagnosis in year 9, which is when he was diagnosed with AuDHD. He is now thriving in an apprenticeship and has found his place in the world which makes me so happy and proud. 

His siblings were diagnosed around the same time as me. It was a big year that year! All AuDHD. 

We are going through all of the school refusal, behavioural changes, sensory sensitivities, feeling that they are different to other kids...  all of the things with them now too. But we are very lucky and are so grateful that we have an amazing team of therapists that support our kids and so does their school. 

Why have I told you all of this? 

I just wanted to give you a brief overview of my experiences so when I say I understand what you are going through, you know that I truly do understand what you are going through. 

I am a holistic counsellor, have done multiple short mental health courses, have picked every therapists brain extensively, attended seminars & have read book after book after book & have a lifetime of lived experience. I have fully immersed myself into anything and everything I could to help support my kids, and to help bring about a change in the world to make it a place where neurodivergent people treated are equals to neurotypical people. 

Growing up undiagnosed and parenting ND kids while you are still trying to understand yourself after diagnosis is not easy. 

Parenting, or caring for, ND kids is hard regardless of your neurotype. It also can be very lonely. Social events become hard to go to, maintaining friendships becomes hard, trying to juggle work and your child's needs can feel almost impossible.

And self care? Alone time? Long forgotten concepts that we only dream about... but hopefully with the right help and support are things that you will be able to fit into your routine once again. You can't pour from an empty cup. Your needs are important too. 

I hope that this space help you feel less alone on your journey. I hope that you feel as though this is somewhere that you can come and give your brain a break... which is why I named it Mental Oasis. 

Remember that you aren't alone and that you are doing a great job! Each day you are doing your best. 

Stay awesome, 

Taryn x